


Pills

by hoodiehowell



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Ed Sheeran - Freeform, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Original Male Character - Freeform, Rimming, Smut, blowjob, male x male, this is shit im sorry, trigger warning?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 17:52:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8905750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodiehowell/pseuds/hoodiehowell
Summary: Ed knew he needed the pills, but he needed him more.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really need a beta for this and I'd like to continue it but feedback would be greatly appreciated first. :)

The pills. Alex never knew such tiny little compact things could run his life. There were enough to fill his palm, seeming to scorch a hole through it every time he'd take them to Ed. And he did. No matter how much he wanted to shrivel up and tuck himself away, he couldn't. Not when his boyfriend of four years sat in front of him on the edge of the bed with those piercing blue eyes and nest of orange curls on his head. To be honest, Alex didn't even know when it started, but it did nonetheless. The sweet, bubbly man he fell in love with slowly got lost in a dark part of the woods. Now, it seemed, Ed spent his day sleeping, courtesy of the prescriptions he downed twice a day.

Alex never stopped loving Ed and he's fairly sure there will never be an end. If anything, it's worry that sinks into his bones when he curls into bed, long, toned arms wrapping around Ed's unclothed ivory torso. He'd be lying if he said he didn't keep his head on Ed's chest just to make sure he was still breathing by morning.

Ed's last tour was coming to and end, he was away from Alex most of the time and it had taken its toll on the both of them. But that's when it began, Alex thinks. Ed was home only one month before he decided he'd go on hiatus until fall of the next year. He broke the news to Alex and he understood, coming to the conclusion that it would be good for not only their relationship, but Ed himself. He was awfully quiet since he got home, eyes dimmer than usual, keeping to himself and staying in bed far too long. Right after he'd told Alex about the break, he'd become reclusive. That's how the pills came in and Alex couldn't decide if he made things better or worse. Convincing Ed to go to the doctor was a challenge all in itself, as he had to help him realize he even needed help. After days of denial on Ed's part , the pair finally found themselves sat in the impersonal, beige chairs of a quiet practitioner's office. 

A slightly smaller, tanned hand slipped into a clammy one, belonging to Ed. 

"Baby, I'm proud of you. Ya' know?" Alex murmured lowly to Ed, careful not to disturb the thick and static air in the room.

The taller man flicked his eyes up to meet Alex's, a slightly shy, but appreciated look filled them.

"I'm scared, if you want the truth. But thank you," the ginger admitted, his fingers curling around Alex's hand.

"Edward Sheeran?" A nurse called from the doorway several feet away from the chairs.

Alex lead Ed back to the room, kissing his cheek before he let go of his hand and sat in the smaller room they entered.

Ed looked like a ghost on the ride to the pharmacy, his prescriptions lying I'm his lap as he nervously eyed the landscape passing the car window.

"Are you angry?", Alex heard over the soft hum of the engine as they drove.

"Angry? Sweetheart, why would I be angry at you?"

"I just...I don't know- I thought you might be." Ed swallowed thickly and ran his hand over his left arm.

Alex sighed and kept his eyes on the road, letting one of his hand trail over to Ed's thigh. 

"Bear, I'm here for you. This is nothing we can't get through. I know you'd do the same for me and what you do, darling, is not easy, okay. I get that." 

With that, they pulled up to the parking lot of a white, fairly sized building. 

"Thank you. I love you." Ed choked out, feeling a warm pair of lips peck his forehead and a hand sweep the cinnamon-dusted curls from his face.

The love was always there, from the beginning. Even through a dozen pills labeled 'anti-depressant', Alex never gave up, though he knew the man he loved wanted to.

 

He slept a lot. If Ed wasn't sleeping, he was tired and lethargic. Alex tried to make it normal, he tried to patch things up, the things he was missing. He still felt things, he still got horny, he still wanted to go out and do things. Ed, on the other hand kept himself chained to the house. In fact, he hardly showered or ate. It was all on the younger brunette to make sure Ed stayed healthy and by god he tried. 

He tried to keep things in motion. 

He attempted to suck Ed off. Ed didn't even get hard. After that, Alex cried. Not to Ed, not with Ed, but for himself, which had not happened in a while. It's as if he didn't feel normal any more. He wasn't just someone's boyfriend anymore, he'd become a live in nanny that cared for this man who became numb to the world.

Not to anyone's surprise, Alex cried often after that. Ed never saw, he didn't notice the puffy red area that hugged Alex's eyes after he took him his pills or tried to kiss him. Alex wasn't exactly sure if Ed cried for the same reasons, but he knew he did. He felt the constricting burn in his throat when he slipped into their shared bed that evening with the redhead who looked fragile, though already broken.

"I love you." Alex whispered, praying the weak trace of his voice wasn't prevailant. 

The sheets crinkled with the movement of Ed's body as he turned to face his lover. Cracked, warm lips pressed against Alex's as he strung his arm over the boy.

"Have I told you that recently? Have I mentioned that you are flawless and beautiful and make it hard to breath every time I see you?" Alex whispered, just as softly as Ed's lips felt ghosting over his skin as it tingled. He hadn't felt so alive in weaks. He didn't want to tell the currently blushing boy that he missed being touched, especially not right in this moment. He couldn't mention to the vulnerable boy that he ached for _his_ Ed back.


End file.
